Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

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Time outs are a form of love withdrawal, not good. Time out is a technique coined by B.F. Skinner and his work with pigeons! I had no idea. Now the book also says that if children of their own free will and choice want to go to a comfortable place to calm down that is ok, it is not ok to send them to time out. Parenting is a journey and while this book equips the reader with some tools to navigate parenthood but it doesn’t promise an easy journey nonetheless. First things first, unconditional parenting is a groundbreaking approach about strengthening the parent-child relationship, meaning you have to put the relationship with your child above every other consideration. Readers who are interested in raising moral and compassionate children will be challenged and inspired by Unconditional Parenting.” I am not sure quite what to rate this book. Would I recommend this to others...not sure. Here is what I liked and what I didn't like about the book.

Book Review: Unconditional Parenting - Greater Good

But won’t I “spoil” my child with this parenting approach? How will my kid know what’s right and wrong and how to make good decisions if I support him or her unconditionally? Does it mean I shouldn’t scold, lecture, or reprimand my child for doing something wrong? Indeed, the concept of unconditional parenting raises many questions because the approach defies most of the long-held parenting ideologies. To answer these and more questions, let’s look at the principles of unconditional parenting. 8 Key Principles of Unconditional Parenting Its when children fall short and feel incompetent that they most need our love not our disappointment"

He seems to think that all parents are power-hungry tyrants who will sacrifice a relationship at the cost of being right or in control. The first half of the book, he goes on and on about all the things we're doing "wrong," but offers no kind of solutions. Bottom line: listen to your child, not just with your ears but with your heart, too! 5. Be Flexible

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn | Waterstones

Give your children the benefit of the doubt, attribute the best possible motive consistent with the facts. Loving your children no matter what is easy in theory; consistently expressing unconditional love is where the rubber meets the road. This doesn’t mean you have double standards; instead, it means you understand that the rules and meant to serve the family and not the other way around.Raising kids can be challenging, but making your children earn your love and affection can negatively impact their overall development. They will grow up to please you (and, by extension, put others’ needs above theirs), seek external validation, and fear being authentic. Our culture has borne a generation of "praise junkies" - children whose behavior is motivated not by intrinsic goals, but by rewards or the avoidance of punishment. True, Classical Conditioning is a proven method for behavior modification...but do we really want to treat our children like Pavlov's dogs? It’s no exaggeration to say I would be a dramatically different parent had I not been introduced to Kohn’s ideas right before getting pregnant with my son (thanks Dais). It’s actually terrifying thinking about how antithetical his approach is to our cultural norms, when it all makes such perfect sense.

Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punish…

Dit boek is naar mijn schatting 90% 'dit moet je niet doen'. Dat werkt niet vind ik. Als je me vertelt wat ik niet moet doen, moet daar tegenover staan wat ik wel zou moeten doen of hoe ik zo'n situatie dan wel aan zou moeten pakken. So I’m supposed to not want to strangle the kindergartner who is taking my child’s food, peeing under the picnic table during lunch, screaming for his own way and generally making life miserable for everyone within a 5 mile radius? I’m supposed to keep arranging playdates with this mother who admits she “has no control” over her children? Sorry, Kohn. A little behaviorism would solve a lot of issues here. A good habit introduced into that kid’s repertoire would make the world a nicer place.As parents, we must decide to love and support our children for who they are, not for their achievements or good behavior, and certainly not because they make us proud. Actions come with consequences, whether good or bad. This means there is really no need to reward or punish children for their actions. Nothing teaches kids better than the outcome of their actions. At first I was annoyed that my husband was bugging me read this book since he was the one who bought it AND hadn't read it. Seemed like a hokey-feel-good-but-too-permissive philosophy. I react with hurt when my children insult me, because that is how I feel and that is how other people would react. I don't hide my annoyance when they refuse to stop repeating a phrase over and over, causing my brain to burn in my skull, because that kind of behavior will get them fired from whatever job or friendship or endeavor they take on at any stage of their lives. Show them unconditional love: make it absolutely crystal clear to your kid that you love them no matter what they do.